Jeremy (Ex-Chairman) Waud (Ex-chairman – voted himself as chairman of this meeting)
John (Dosser) French (Secretarial duties)
Jeremy (Haas) Williamson (Sensible suggestions)
David (Doc) Watson (Now you’ve had your say, I’ll tell you what to do)
Graham (Dietician) Atkins (This is my first time so I’m nervous)
Roger (Silver Fox) Holden (Wake me up when it’s over)
Apologies from: Absolutely no bugger at all
Meeting commenced at 2 a.m. approx (who cares?)
The committee was formed of whoever was left standing (sitting actually) and took place around the picnic table overlooking the croquet lawn. Notes were taken on the back of an envelope which had originally been addressed to Steve and Sarah Waud, but the dodgy fivers had been removed. Notes were taken in very fine pencil (all that was available) and, consequently embellishments may have been added (in good faith). Chairman stated that anyone who hadn’t made the meeting was a complete tosser and that all those there were tossers also.
The Atkins family, due to the proximity of their dwelling place, offered sleepover arrangements for anyone requiring them next year. It was noted that this was the first ever outdoor committee meeting and Haas expressed concern about security and that anyone in earshot could hear the crap we were talking. As the only people in earshot were the two lovelies, i.e. Vivienne (Westwood) Atkins and Jackie (Blonde Vixen) Holden, it was suggested they join the meeting. JCW waffled on about the fact that it was an age old tradition that no women sat on the committee and this should be no exception.
An emergency vote was taken and his comments were ignored and the aforementioned were duly sworn in. It was agreed, however, that in 2005, there would definitely be no women on the committee; a motion which was put forward by misses Atkins and Holden. Discussions were held regarding the 2005 venue. A three day bash at Silver Fox’s place was suggested and eagerly approved by Jackie. As her other half was sleeping at the time, it was declared unlikely that it would attain final approval and Royal Ashdown Forest followed by Quarry House was again ratified. It was also noted that this year’s bash was somewhat earlier than usual and it was agreed that 2005 would revert to the more usual time in the calendar.
G Atkins (very sure of himself for a newcomer) asked whether bacon rolls could be provided upon arrival. Whilst sympathising with the requirements of his famous diet, he was reminded that this was RAF and he would have to make do with a digestive biscuit (as long as he was amongst the first eight to arrive).
A cry of ‘get yer tits out’ then went up. It was not clear where this came from but suspicions were aroused that it was one of the junior Wauds or, more likely Roy Rose hiding in the bushes. Unfortunately two of those present did not comply and the remainder of the committee sincerely hope that Watson and Williamson will not let the rest down next year. Both were reprimanded for non-compliance with the wishes of the majority. Haas then proclaimed the ‘Chair’ to be rubbish, even though he had done virtually nothing.
Other words were then exchanged which cannot be published within a family publication. Around 2-15, Victor (who?) turned up and began singing ‘Dancing Queen’, attempting to revitalise activity on the dance floor. This was greeted by a call of ‘bol–cks’ from the chairman. The Silver Fox woke up briefly, looked around, said ‘bol–cks’ and went back to sleep.
Doc Watson inquired about arrangements for the 25th anniversary. A 2 day ‘event’ in Norfolk was suggested by the Chairman. Why Norfolk nobody knows, but the consensus was that, as he is not getting any younger, the less hilly the environment the better. On this basis, the lovely ladies suggested Amsterdam and bugger the golf. With no further business to discuss, the meeting was officially closed at 2.25 a.m. and general frivolity was resumed.
As an afterthought, and totally inexplicably, our beloved ex-chairman announced that Jeremy Clarkson was a tosser and spoke complete bol–cks all the time. This document is presented as a true and accurate representation of the matters discussed at the Waud Classic 2004 Committee Meeting!!!