Minutes – 2003

Present: A smattering of hardened Classic members who managed to survive for two days and a few wimps who only made it on Saturday

Apologies: From all those who cannot hold their drink and were crashed out in the garden

Venue: The potting shed, Waud Towers

Chairman: Waudo (he has now elected himself life chairman even though he has been voted out every year for the past 21 years!)

Minute Taker: Haas the bookie

We assembled as usual in the delightful and tranquil surroundings of the potting shed at ‘Chez Waud’ having enjoyed two days of fun, frolic and what is commonly known as golf. Why we always meet in the potting shed is a complete mystery to many, maybe it has something to do with the fact that the odour from the midnight farters is too overpowering for us to be located within the main residence.

Anyway getting back to the meeting the Chairman first of all announced that he was none too happy with the fact that so few members had actually managed to play both days. He pointed out that that most of the Portuguese wanderers had been keen to have a two-day event. Fat Git then interjected and said that most of the tour were permanently pissed and could not remember what they were thinking of doing the next day never mind next year. The Chairman then asked who had proposed the idea of a two-day event; the minute taker (Haas) checked the records and found that it was none other than Alan “Cavellosh” Cavell. It was then agreed that as it was a Cavellosh suggestion for the two day event that he should purchase the first, second and third rounds at the 2004 Classic. A vote was taken and the result was unanimous, it was also agreed that the first round would be a ‘bolly’ round.

The Chairman then suggested that we go back to a single day event next year amazingly this was unanimously agreed by a show of bottles and a belch from ‘shinebollocks’. Alan Greenhalgh then asked if this meeting had any point to it and was there any agenda, the Chairman then said that as in Portugal if he kept having these “senior moments” we would have to take action by making him wear the ‘old man’s shoes’ and clubs to match, he was also a balding old git. At this point there were shouts of “sack him! and get back to Hurstqueer point” from the three desperados-Perky, Fat git and silver fox. The chairman in his usual eloquent style told them to get stuffed and with dictatorial aplomb said they may not be invited to play in, to quote, “my golf society ” again.

The meeting then continued in its usual spirit with plenty of insults flying all around the potting shed. Another proposal was then submitted by “Bigus Dickus” banning ‘carrot crunchers’ and a ‘worzel gummidge’ look alike from winning the Waud Classic. The chairman asked if he was referring to ‘Cannonbollocks’, Bigus Dickus said who else. ‘Cannonbollocks’ then said that if this happened that he would ride off on his combine harvester and never return. The chairman said that he could not consider banning our West Country brethren but he would be reviewing his handicap, which would have the same effect.

The meeting was then about to be closed when Sappo (predictable as ever, 4th year in a row) interrupted complaining that he still had not received his classic winners tie. This was noted along with the words “f**king tosser next to his name, he was also fined a bottle of port and told if it happened again he would end playing the next 5 classics with scuffer and the pussy. With most of the old gits asleep and the potting shed smelling like the campfire in “blazing saddles” the meeting was adjourned.