ExChairman: Jeremy Waud
Haas Williamson (Secretary), Kaffer Ford, Roy Rose, Alan ‘Five Litre’ Cavell, Steve Wright, Eric Ford
(To those others who were these my apologies but due to the fact that most people were seeing double at this stage and the wine continued to flow, I just can’t remember or read my own writing!)
Minutes of meeting as remembered:
The meeting opened with a rendition of ‘Skippy the bush Kangaroo’. This appears to be a reference to myself due to a disability I carried manfully around the golf course. It was agreed that my name would not be changed to ‘hopalong’, ‘pegleg’ or ‘one up the rear’ (as suggested by Richard ‘Nobby’ Lewis). After constant interruptions by the ‘Pussies’ who were not only intent on withdrawing conjugal rights should the meeting last more than five minutes, but they also decided to hold their own meeting. On this point, I have discovered (due to the fact that my wife took the minutes), that Jay Waud agreed to Provide £100 from our funds to provide the Pussies with a mini bus at the ‘97 Waud Classic. Jay, of course, later denied this and it may well be that this will become a subject for litigation and possible strike action by those Pussies.
Kaffer Ford raised the point of order concerning the alleged rule breaking by Mr. J. Waud. For those of you who can’t remember the incident (you must have been drunk), this concerns the wrong score being signed for. Kaffer and a small minority (including Nobby Lewis) had called for Jay to be stripped of the title. However, when it was pointed out that this is the Waud Classic and Jay could withdraw his support for the event, this was reduced to ousting him as Chairman.
The Committee was not impressed with this suggestion and voted against it. Kaffer continued to inject throughout the meeting (he was on his third bottle), and the Chairman now likens him to a bugging insect (you keep swatting it away but it still comes back to annoy you).
After what seemed like an eternity, we managed to get down to the more serious issues (at least I think that’s what they were!!). The main point being next years’ Waud Classic which will be held in Littlestone. It was felt that we needed to do something special (apart from hacking around the course and drinking copious amount of vino). A number of suggestions were put forward; they ranged from topless barmaids at the watering hole to go-go dancers for the black tie dinner. It was pointed out that the Pussies might object to this, and so we decided not to ask them to do it. A more sensible suggestion came from Mr. Cavell (the only one he put forward during the whole meeting). He thought it would be a good idea to wear the same clothing. Someone (I can’t remember who, suggested Armani suits as the teams do at the FA Cup Final, however due to limited resources this was discounted as the only place we afford to shop is at ‘Man at Oxfam’. Roy Rose (talking in a particularly thick Yorkshire accent), suggested that we provide Polo shirts with the Waud Classic logo (as shown on our american golfer on front page). This was unanimously supported and it has been left to the Yorkshire B****** (as he is called) to investigate costings etc. The question of size did arise as certain people may need XXXXL due to thickening midriffs (no names were mentioned). The Chairman will also be putting together flexible payment terms for the event and details for those will be sent out in Sept/Oct.
A point of order was raised concerning Robert ‘Builders Bottom’ Scull by another member of the Committee (God knows who it was!). It was suggested that due to the fact he could not use his super-duper-overpriced-big momma-carbon graphite and steel shafted club, that it should be sold and the proceeds donated to next years’ Waud Classic. This was carried unaminously.
Numerous interruptions continued by the Pussies who were trying to listen in on our intellectual discussions, so we therefore decided (Kaffer was by now asleep), to adjourn the meeting until next year.