Minutes – 2000

Minutes of the Committee Meeting of the 18th Waud Classic.

Held at Quarry House on Friday 16th June 2000 at 11.30 p.m.

JCW declared himself Chairman and JF (Dosser Frenchy) was ‘volunteered’ as Secretary.

Due to inebriation, the minutes are presented as notes and are not timed as is the custom in such professionally administered organisations as this one.

The meeting was held in the Kitchen and 17 members attended (plus Charlie, who supplied some of JCW’s finest wine for the assembled throng).

No apologies were received from non-attendees nor were apologies received from those present for all the bollocks they uttered.

A toast was proposed to the year 2000 and was unanimously observed.

The main subject of the meeting was to decide upon venues for the 2001 Classic and the 20th anniversary bash in 2002.

It was unanimously agreed that Royal Ashdown Forest would be the venue once again for 2001 but that the club should be asked to do a ‘US Open’ and toughen it up to prevent Waud Classic players burning up the course.

It was agreed to present a Waud Classic tie to the Secretary of RAFGC but that it should not be a pink one as only ‘Real Guys wear Pink Ties’.

With regard to the 2002 bash, three venues were suggested; Ireland, Portugal and France.

A vote was held to select the venue and Portugal received 11 votes with the other two venues receiving 3 each.

JCW proposed a vote regarding the complexity of the voting system and all 17 voted ‘aye’.

It was then decided that a committee would be set up to finalise the details.  The committee to comprise JCW,  ‘Sappo’, ‘Bent Haas’, ‘Fat Git’ Gary Allen and ‘Seriously Fat Git’ Howard Gooden.

Simon ‘Kaffir’ Ford said F*** the committee and there were some mumblings of approval.

JCW said that there had been an invitation to 8 members to visit the 2003 Ryder Cup venue but did not make it clear whether this was to play in the matches as Sam Torrances ‘Wild Cards’ or to play casually in a preceding ‘Am-Am’. (Post meeting note – this was a serious invitation to play a team of around 12 UK- v -USA  at Oakland Hills in Michigan from Mike Acheson in the year 2002 I think)

For some reason it was suggested that ‘Wacko Jacko’ drop his pants but he refused and the subject was dropped.(presumably nothing worth shouting about there!)

Seriously Fat Git then led a rendition of ‘I Love My Wife etc. etc.’ with all the dirty bits.  He then sang a different version solo, which was too gross, even for the assembled degenerates.

David ‘Milk Tray’ Copus then tried to take over the meeting but was seriously shouted down and began to sulk.

Kaffir accused Haas of being JCW’s spin doctor which upset him although he never broke smile.

Seriouly Fat Git Gooden then proposed a toast to JCW, for no other reason than he was giving him admiring looks.  All present toasted the Chairman except Kaffir who toasted Gandhi.

It was observed that the honorary guest Charlie was drinking copious amounts of wine and Fat Git Fines Chairman advised him to look long and hard at his father as a reminder of the long term effects.

The sulking Copus was accused of wearing jockey pants and when he refused to prove or disprove the point was fined £100 although the fine was suspended for twelve months pending good behaviour.

The winner of the ‘Old Man’s Shoes’ (Sappo) then addressed the meeting, claiming he was underprivileged (???) as he only had a pink tie, despite being a past winner.  Fat Git GA then wrote ‘Winner’ on the bottom of his pinkie.

Frosty then woke up and declared that he had never received a winner’s tie and JCW agreed to acquire one for each of them, at which point they seemed really ‘made up’.

It was then noticed that certain ladies (including the Chairman’s Mehmsaab) were eavesdropping via the open windows.  An inspired decision was made to close them and lower the blinds accompanied by shouts of ‘get yer own committee meeting’.

Steve Wright (in the afternoon) made a formal complaint to the effect that Shining Bollocks, who hitherto had remained silent, had farted and being stood next to him with all windows shut, this was not the most pleasant experience he had ever had.

Shiners response was that, without a survey, he could not be sure it was his but, regardless of that, he confirmed that, although small, it was easily maintained and there was tremendous scope for improvement.  He then went back to sleep.

Seriously Fat Git Howard suggested that Greensomes would be a better format for the afternoon rounds than foursomes.  It was assumed that this request had come from his afternoon partner on every one of SFGH’s driving holes.  It was agreed that the Committee would give this due consideration.

The quality of the lunch at RAFGC was questioned; something other than a slab of cheese to sink the Titanic was requested on future visits.

Fat Git Fines Chairman also observed that one packet of Digestive biscuits between 34 people (even if they were McVitie’s originals) did not constitute a ‘proper’ breakfast for growing lads.  Bacon rolls were requested but were unlikely to be provided as RAFGC did not encourage riff-raff.

Finally, a formal request was received from Fat Git and Seriously Fat Git that, in future, they wished to be known as Gary ‘Bag’ and Howard ‘Bag’.  It is assumed that this will be considered, although no commitment was given as everyone had stopped paying attention by then.

JCW then closed the meeting (at 12.15) and the members returned to the dance hall to continue watching the gyrations of Rosie and the ladies.