Date of Meeting: Friday 25th June 2010
Venue: The Party Tent at Waud Towers
Gregs (Desmond 2-2)
Waudo 2 (Steve) + Atkins
Apologies for absence:
1. The meeting commenced sometime between 11.30pm and 1am, although it is likely that no-one present could be sure of the exact time.
2. The first agenda proposed even before all attendees had taken their seats was that slow play is a big problem, although it was agreed that is was a big field this year.
3. Rev made his spectacular return as honorary minute taker, and as a roll call is made, Waudo reminded everyone that Rev was f*cking useless last year!
4. The committee was then made aware that Haas has a ‘Tim Henman’ – an unexpected semi. Willy & bottom – confusion ensues, so it is decided the meeting must move on.
5. The ex-chairman decided that the problem of slow play had not been resolved satisfactorily, and proceeded to get ‘arsey’ about the rate of play, again. It is noted that this was not the first time during the day that the ex-chair had bemoaned the rate of play, although his grumbling had started during his self confessed ‘torrid’ first round.
6. To the excitement of the younger contingent (and secretly the older members of the committee) the McWilly ‘women’ arrived, and then just as quickly they left. However, after searching the grounds of Waud Towers they discovered that their parents were both asleep so they decided to stay. (Much to the excitement of the younger contingent (and secretly the older members of the committee!))
7. After exhaustive discussions of the slow play, the decision was finally made that it must be stopped. As good a resolution as can be made by the ever more vocal committee!
8. Someone then bravely proposed that Howard Gooden should not be invited again! Probably a response to his fines meeting, whereby he slurred his way through his notes.
9. Subsequently women started making comments, however it was decided that they have nothing to say. Hannah (McWilly) was a notable proponent for the ladies comments, but the committee concluded that no-one cared what Hannah had to say. This slight enraged the young McWilly who then sh*ts herself, thankfully not literally, and angrily questioned where her invitation was.
10. As the dust settled, Jane and Haas thought it appropriate to mention that their preferred format for the day would be 18 + 9 holes with a good long lunch however the majority agreed that they were happy with the 18 + 18 format. Just as one suggestion is quashed, Doc piped up with a shout of BUGGEES, much to the consternation of most of his fellow committee members. Myles then suggested that the morning round should start earlier, however thought must be given to the age many players, not to mention the obligatory hangovers of the younger players, which would make an even earlier start painful, physically and mentally.
11. The older of the young Wauds then brought the afternoon round into the fray, motioning that the idea of 6somes was a great idea, which was seconded and the motion was carried. It seemed that 6somes offered a solution to the large number of players, and was also more sociable (banter was bound to fly about after the ‘excesses’ of lunch!) The doctor proposed that one should have the option to opt out of the afternoon, which was countered with a big ‘no’ from the majority. Myles and Rev concluded that the format was what it was, and was fantastic.
12. People moaned that the Waud’s win too much, but considering most of the meeting was a ‘Waud’ the matter seemed to be ingnored.
13. The excitement peaked again as a now awake McWilly turned up with his whores (children). McWilly then gestured to making a statement, so Rev acknowledged with a simple ‘shoot’. He mentioned international friends, Doc playing with himself and Doc playing with Hass (gay) which didn’t make any sense so the meeting continued.
14. Talk then turned to the 2012 anniversary tour, with Steve questioning where the tour party should go. Three options were offered namely Cornwall, Northern Portugal or Scotland, but it was agreed that Portugal was expensive. Steve then mentioned France as an option, and Myles concurred, and then proceeded to explain why it was a good choice and quoting Le Touquet. Simmo told the committee that he was voting for home or away, and Dangerman suggested the tour take place in the Gooden’s house!
15. Someone mentioned that 40 Love was apparently dead, but before the ambulance was called Rev noticed that he had moved and was therefore not dead.
16. Ex Chairman let the meeting know that the committee needs to decide the location for the tour, and that the tour committee consists of Jeremy with 4 votes, Haas with 4 votes, and Charlie with half a vote. The options were then repeated so that there was no confusion, they are France, Portugal, Cornwall, and Haas said he had been to Norfolk and that could be an option.
17. Slow play was mentioned again, and Charlie didn’t think people looked for balls. Myles’ summary was that it was ‘shambolic’ and Rev acknowledged that it was a big word. The older members of the committee bemoaned the ‘insolence’ from the youngsters. Big Jez then gave nil points(in French) to everyone although the reason still remains unknown.
18. It was decided by Haas and Waudo that they should do ‘market research’ in Portugal and wherever they deem necessary! And although this decision was met with sighs and tuts from the others Haas and Waudo said they didn’t care about anything anyone cares about!
19. Graeme Love then piped up by saying that Graeme Love has it covered, and he gestured to Rev to put that in the minutes. With that, Dangerman said that that was enough of that.
20. Myles moaned that progress was fairly slow by the Waud Classic standards, giving the example of the Blazers, which had been discussed for four years, and there was still no progress on them. Howard kindly stepped in to save the day by suggesting he would make a phone call, and asked what colour the blazers should be. The colours offered around the table were Yellow, Pink, Blue, Beige, White and Waudi noticed that they were apparently pretty much any colour.
21. Either through inebriation or her female mind Jane asked about the tour, to which she was told that the committee had already been down that road. It is decided that Tour chat had been concluded and the committee was beckoned to stand and sing the national anthem. Rev thought it was the worst national anthem he had ever heard, and thought the country could find a better one, perhaps Jerusalem. With that he placed his pen down on the pad and started dreaming of the alcopop he would drink and the young lady he would touch in Liquid t’Envy.